Wallace And The Return of Metempsychosis

We wake up on this unseasonably mild late January morning to some gentle drilling.. But wait. It’s actually our new acquaintance Wallace. He’s quite shy so I snuck out onto the balcony and there he was staring straight back. We exchanged pleasantries with Wallace complimenting me for my leopard print gown and I his red tufts and chiselled beak. And then gone in a flash. How he crawls up the tree almost like a squirrel! Goodness me, such a fine way to start the day.

The Great (and wonderful) Spotted Woodpecker pauses midway through his morning Tatarka sonata

And rare good news for Mother Earth. China has just banned their evil wildlife trade. Hopefully for good. Why does it have to take the mass death of humans to make them do it!

Bring on the end of Britain

Mithrasmas tipples in a pub in Herefordshire, 2013

Back in the so-called United Kingdom for New Year’s and Mithrasmas period and I’ve been straining my eyes to see specks of silver in the rather dark clouds that are clinging tightly around this troubled island. Here I sit quietly hiding behind a newspaper, alone in a little country pub listening to some of the most ignorant bile… It could make you cry so I have to laugh instead. Behind the broadest newspaper I can find. I don’t want to get into a heated argument on this visit.

I won’t get depressed about things because the sunny uplands will emerge. Eventually. After many years of a hard right Tory government. After the little Englanders realise that they are not exceptional after all. When they understand it is their lack and fear of self-knowledge that made them foot soldiers for the offshore oligarchs of Britain; who own The Daily Mail, The Sun etc and who are in cahoots with The “Royal” Family, the Kremlin and Facebook.

After the clouds darken until we can no longer see in front of our noses. Then we may have no choice but to have a revolution. Britain, like Russia, desperately needs one. We need proportional representation. No hereditary peers. No aristocracy. No bishops poking their noses in. No fucking titles. Nobody is above me. Nobody is below me. That’s my motto.

Top of the list for my new Britain is the abolishment of the so-called Royal Family, a vile symbol of inequality and unfairness in society. The castles and palaces will be museums for everyone to visit. Their huge estates will be rewilding areas full of trees and vibrant nature. Tangent alert: Chris Packam, one of my favourite TV presenters from childhood, how dare you accept an O.B.E. I used to really like you. But now….Oh dear, what a hypocrite. I bet you George Monbiot wouldn’t accept a knighthood. David Bowie didn’t, he refused twice. What a true Knight he is. Listen to the Lyrics of Loving the Alien. Very very prescient Dave.

The upsides to the end of Britain are many. Surely it won’t be long before Scotland is freed from the shackles of Westminster. But please take the lands away from the landed “gentry” in the Highlands. Nobody should be allowed to own more than ONE acre! The rest should be in public hands. And Ireland will be united! Hurah! And what about Wales? Not so sure… Anyway the end of Britain is surely something to cheer isn’t it?

But mass psychosis has truly arrived. And much of it is due to Facebook and Instagram. The levels of ignorance, vanity and egomania are astonishing. It’s going to get much darker before it gets much better. But we will get through it.